Regret
by oBseSSiON Is oDd
Summary: All murderers, murdered and sociopaths have mothers... even Alice. And she was all of the above even after she became the Mafia Queen, after she died in her own make-believe world her mother had built for her. AU Angst, Alice & Mom centric ::ONE-SHOT::


"Always remember that I'll love you."

It was Alice's oldest memory, gazing at the mirror sitting on the lap of her Mother. The Mother that dragged the com softly through her fair hair and whispered words of love and compassion. This wasn't her mother, this was the witch that took old mother's place.

I hate you, she had said. Tears streamed down Mother's face, but she continued to comb her hair.

This was her oldest memory, this was a _fake_. Mother is not mommy, mommy is Mommy.

.

.

.

Mommy always said that the world didn't matter... right? Because you couldn't trust other people but yourself. I wonder when Mommy broke, when she decided that the world was against her. When they took her off to the hospital and when we got Mother.

Alice isn't sure, Alice is confused. If Alice has a new mommy, what happened to Alice's Mommy? She had asked, looking up to her father.

He smiled and ruffled her hair.

You know what? He said nothing. This wasn't father, this was Father.

.

.

.

Where's Alice's Mommy big sister? Alice had asked again, biting her lower lip in hopes of an answer.

Lorina looked at her before smiling. "What old mommy Alice?"

I can't remember but I do remember screaming at Lorina. Telling her she was lying, telling her that she was a "freak." Alice doesn't regret it because, new mommy wasn't old mommy. Old mommy was old mommy.

Old mommy came and bought presents for her, old mommy told Alice that the world was out to get her. And old mommy was right, you had to fight back to be alive here in bad world. And you know what? Alice was only five when when old mommy had told her that and was only five when they took her away.

... so why did everyone forget.

.

.

.

Alice visited her Mommy one day. Mother sat outside, holding Father's hand.

She had ran for Mommy, jumped onto her lap and hugged her. Mommy had hugged her back, but her eye's were empty and full with contempt. Something is wrong Mommy, she said, snuggling up to her breasts.

Mommy only nodded before whispering into her ear. "You can never trust anyone baby-girl, always remember that they're going to be taken away."

Alice hated the people in white, because they took her away from her Mommy and gave her back to Mother and Father. She was scared and would come to Lorina's room every night, tears in her eyes and hope that Lorina would say something about Mommy.

On one night, Alice had finally noticed something. This wasn't lorina, this was Lorina.

.

.

.

When Edith had come, Alice was eight. When Edith had come, Alice knew that Edith wasn't edith. Edith was Edith, not edith.

Father bought me Dinah, and this time Dinah stayed as dinah, she didn't become Dinah. I bought Dinah with me to Mommy and she told me that "whenever you have pets, they'll never leave yoo, understand?".

I trusted Dinah but then she left.

Mommy had lied.

.

.

.

Edith touched me, but Alice remember that Edith isn't edith so Alice pushed her back onto the bed. Edith cried, but those aren't real tears, real tears would come from edith not Edith. Father had yelled at Alice again. It is becoming annoying.

I say something that makes him cry, Father is not father, Father is a fake and will always will be. He slaps me, on my newly-turned ten year old cheeks.

That was also the day Dinah returned, and Mommy didn't lie. Mommy was Alice's angel as well as Alice's true mother. Mother was just a fake, Mother wasn't mother.

.

.

.

It is Alice's first day at school and Alice bought Dinah. They think Alice is weird because she talks nonsense but Alice doesn't care because Alice has Dinah. Then one day, Alice pushes the girl that calls her a freak.

Brittany, is her name. Brittany breaks her legs and now uses a chair with wheels.

She says that Alice was the one that pushed her off.

Dinah tells her to lie and act innocent. Mommy says that Mommy isn't her angel, but Dinah is. And that Mommy is her God. So if Alice listens to Dinah, Mommy will listen to Alice's pleas because that's what a good God does. So Alice listens to Dinah and says;

"She slipped."

.

.

.

"It isn't fair!"

"You're right!"

Alice smiles and hides Dinah under the big tree. She always does this everyday she wants Dinah to come. But today she forgets that Dinah is there and now Dinah is angry. But it isn't Alice's fault right? Because Alice was having fun!

I'm sorry, Alice says. Tears form in her eyes.

_If you're sorry than I want you to meant it! Because I am an Angel and God doesn't like it when Angel's get mistreated!_

I understand, Alice mutters.

Gripping the rose the girl had given her.

.

.

.

Mother has died, but Alice doesn't care because Mother is fake.

I want to visit Mommy, I say nonchalantly. Edith screams and hits me in the stomach, I tumble slightly but catch myself. Then Alice laughs that same laugh that's filled with nothing. Alice holds her down and whispers things that make Edith cry.

This Edith isn't edith so this Water must not be water. But this is Fake not fake.

"You freak," she screams. Nobody is inside the room but Alice smiles.

You remind me of me, but I'm not a freak. You are, but we aren't all perfect right? I ask before I turn and leave, Dinah is now partially grown. The spots on her pelt are starting to become more clearer. She roars but Alice can hear what she says.

_Now tell Lorina that she doesn't deserve Alexander._

.

.

.

I'm twenty this year and control the mafia. Here, I can do whatever I want whenever I want and what I do first? Is destroy the fakes. But I don't because I still can't tell the difference between real and fake.

For a moment, I come inside holding my gun and wanting see blood and the next they say something that makes my eyes water.

"Alice! Welcome back! Why are you so late? Mommy is waiting you know!"

But you said that Mommy doesn't exist, I say, but happiness bubbles inside me as I laugh as well.

"What are you talking about?"

.

.

.

The cops burst into the room. The detective walks in, holding a set of pictures and drags the lady by her arm sharply. She screams, a panther is chained, bound and muzzled by thick dirty ropes. The deal had come and now the detective wants to know something.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you ruin her like that, Alice, your own daughter! You bitch, you ruined her and made her forget about everything in the world! It was right to lock you up!"

She smiles, her name is God and God has powers and secrets that nobody must know of, but today is an exception. "Why?" the detective asks, she knows who he is and knows why he is here. His name is Alexander, the man who lost his wife and was left at the altar.

She opens her mouth and speaks, "Because I am God and I can do anything I want."

.

.

.

She is locked back up. Sitting on the floor, it is comfy because of the plush. The straitjacket that shrouds her body prevents her arms to flail and move. Dinah is chained and held there, next to her and she watches in amusement as well.

Picture of blood and death.

But it doesn't matter because she is God and as God she has powers. As well as secrets.

Then, a grave pops up in the screen.

_Alice Liddell_

_1923-1967_

She laughs and so does Dinah. And then she speaks, "Why I ruined Alice, my own daughter?"

_I love Alice, but you are God. Is it alright to share your secrets?_

She nods and answers her question. "Because I don't want to be alone when I enter Hell, there my daughter is waits for me you know? Because God can never be alone, God is God and God should never ever be alone."

She laughs whole-heatedly.

.

.

.

"The End," Lorina says. Her eyes are bandaged but the book is written in braille, so her children may listen to her stories.

"What happened to Alice and Wonderland?" Peter, her second eldest son asks. Crimson eyes filled to brim with glee and smiles tugging at his lips. "Oh right," Lorina mumbles. "But that can wait for another day right?"

She didn't have children, but these were her foster children. Children that she adopted and most were boys. Their names are Gowland, Peter, Ace, Blood, Nightmare, Julius, Boris and the twins Dee and Dum. And the only girl is Vivaldi, Blood's sister.

Her children groan but they get up and wash themselves for bed.

Lorina fingers the book, "Alice in Wonderland." To her, this book mocks her and her sisters. The dead one and the live one. Opening the book again, a small notebook falls out. She opens it and flips to the page marked with an old bookmark. The bookmark is a picture of them, Lorina and Alice laughing and... _happy_. Lorina shakes violently before slamming her fist onto the window.

It cracks and her hand bleeds.

Footsteps but on that moment to her, everything is silent but the noise seems to have dimmed.

The door bursts open and the world is silent but noisy, even if the people that comes screams. "Mother?"

She hated that word and looks to where the sound of the footsteps echo. Lorina doesn't want to look at the book her sister, Alice who died at the hands of her own father, treasured more than anything. It wasn't the book though, but the words.

.

.

.

Alexander sighed, holding the copy of a small notebook, he punched the table. Anger enveloped his eyes as well as tears.

What happened to the Alice he loved? Or used to love?

Sometimes he hated this job, and on those times he couldn't help but feel pity. But hey, weren't they all human? And so was Alice, Alice was human. Even if she wasn't raised as one, even after she killed and became his number one public enemy.

Closing the notebook, he bowed in remembrance and respect to the tombstone.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was been an eventful day! I got to meet Mommy again! But you know what's wrong? I'm diagnosed with cancer and I might not live. I have regrets, yes, but don't we all? The thing I hate most? Is that there are so many Fakes in this world. I wonder what the difference is... between Fake and fake._

_I'm tired now, and I'm scared... because I might not be able to wake up tomorrow. And you know what's so sad? Is the fact that..._

_I never knew Mommy's name..  
_


End file.
